I know, it’s been a long time since my last post. I honestly didn’t expect home-schooling to be so demanding. It simply took over my life. But I must say I have loved spending so much time with my children. Anyway, things are going back to some kind of normality and with no homework, I have a little bit more time for writing.
Today, I want to make you think about sticking to what makes you happy. I was a chronic people-pleaser for years. When I think of all the stupid things that I did just to be accepted and liked, well, it’s just insane! Now I can look back and see that this eagerness to be liked and accepted was related to my own personal self-worth issues. Anyway, I am so done with that!
I have learnt to listen to my heart and my gut-feeling. Today, for some people, I may come across as "selfish". Am I "selfish"? Well, you tell me. How can I help and support the people around me if I don't make sure I have enough of what I need to operate at my best? You see, being "selfish" allows me to be genuine, kinder and more generous to the world around me.
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde
We are born alone, and we will live alone. I don’t believe that life is about serving people. Instead, I believe that life is about learning about the self, enjoying every single minute that we have on this earth and aiming to become the best person we can be.
The problem with trying to please people is that you end up being miserable. When you try to please and make everyone happy you have less time for doing things that uplift and fulfil your soul. And that can only lead to feeling bitter. What is worse is that if you don’t get the validation and the level of praise that you think you deserve, you end up quietly resenting the people that you are trying to please. And that’s not good for your emotional health.
Focus on your own purpose and your own dreams. Putting other people’s agendas, needs and goals before yours can only lead to you living an unfulfilled life. You will never get full satisfaction from living someone else's purpose.
You are made of energy. Your thoughts, emotions and behaviour are all connected – the energy that you radiate affects everyone around you. Let me explain, when you feel happy and good in yourself you vibrate at a relatively high frequency, whereas if you feel miserable and depressed you vibrate at a relatively low frequency. When you are in a low frequency you carry that energy with you. It is why your presence can feel heavy and dense even if you have a smile on your face.
Now you know why you can often tell when someone is doing something reluctantly or half-heartedly - it is because you are getting that gut-feeling from their vibration.
Being a people pleaser never got me anywhere. In fact, I feel that I have missed out on so many opportunities because of this. And the ironic thing is, I ended up pushing so many people away because of the negative energy that I was radiating.
Between us, I would never expect anyone to do something for me that goes against their happiness. And, I wouldn’t expect anyone to do something that makes them feel uneasy or uncomfortable. Why? Because I care! So, listen to your heart and do what makes YOU happy. Do not put your life on hold for others. Do not sacrifice your life for others. At the end of the day, if people love you then they will be okay with your decisions because they care for your happiness.
Melanie is an Image Therapist, Health & Well-Being Therapist and Mindfulness Coach who helps women to be bold enough to take control of their lives and transform it with their courage, beauty and love.