“The only thing complaining does is convince other people that you are not in control”. Unknown
We moan and groan… about anything and everything:
• I am not well • I hate Monday mornings • I was stuck in traffic again • My coffee is not hot enough • I don’t like this • I don’t like that • There is no Wi-Fi connection • I am bored • I hate my job • I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed • It’s raining • I was kept on hold for 10 min
Does it sound like someone that you know?
THE EFFECTS OF COMPLAINING: It is a normal reaction to feel upset when something goes wrong. After all, life is not perfect. It never has been and never will be. But complaining is not good for you. It damages you physically, emotionally and mentally. Studies have demonstrated that moaning and groaning for 30 minutes every day can physically damage your brain. This bad habit floods your bloodstream with cortisol (your stress hormone), and this also happens when you listen to someone else complaining.
Complaining is also unattractive. It comes in the form of expressing self-pity; judging others; being unforgiving; taking revenge; rubbing it in; condemning; being suspicious; gossiping; bad-mouthing; never being happy; discontentment and greed. It is not enjoyable to spend time with people who never stop moaning as they have a way of bringing anyone’s morale down. Gordon B. Hinckley once said:
“Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others…By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves”. Gordon B. Hinckley
Complaining on a regular basis may have a negative impact on your mood, confidence and self-esteem, hence why it is important to pay attention to this toxic habit.
There is something that I need to point out: “The more you complain about something, the more unfortunate things you will attract in your life.”
SO, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? DEAL WITH IT:
I am not suggesting that you should pretend that there is nothing wrong when a problem arises. There are times when a problem must be dealt with. That is what I call taking responsibility for your life. Ignoring a problem can only grow into a bigger obstacle. So, deal with it with an open mind and a positive approach. There is a lesson to be learnt from almost every negative experience. And that is what makes it so exciting!
“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass… get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” Steve Maraboli
HOW TO DEAL WITH A PROBLEM:
1/ Get real On a scale of 1-10, how bad is it? Will it matter in the long run? Do you sound pathetic?
• If it is lower than a five, just accept it and let it go. • If it is 5 or higher, then deal with it.
Letting go with gratitude. Depending on how I feel, I must admit that sometimes I do struggle to let go of the most useless of things. Practising gratitude is an easy way to shift negativity from my system. It helps me to change my focus to positive thinking.
I just have to think of others. So many human beings go through so much pain and suffering in their entire lifetime. Wars, starvation, homelessness, injustice, illnesses to name a few. Is it the end of the world if someone has cut me up on the road and didn’t put his hand up to acknowledge me? Or my latte was not as hot as I would have liked it? Or it’s raining again today? Or I was running late because my train was delayed? Or I have a headache?
Thinking about others who are less fortunate reminds me how pathetic I would sound if I were to complain about something meaningless. Practising gratitude reminds me how lucky I am to be free to do what I want, to have a roof over my head, to have food and water as I please and, to know that my children are both healthy and happy.
2/ Dealing with it: There is always a lesson to learn from a problem. So look for it! It might be an opportunity to learn something new: about yourself, about how someone feels about you or about the way society works. The idea may sound unpleasant at first, but I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason. I view every negative experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. At first, it may not be so obvious to you, but trust me, the many problems that I have had to face have turned out to open new and exciting doors.
“Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat.” Napoleon Hill
Would you like to change the way that you look at things today? Instead of complaining, wouldn’t it be amazing to learn how to focus your energy on seeking happiness? For more information on how to live the best of your life, you can check my services here.
Melanie is an Image Therapist, Facialist and Feminine Empowerment Coach based in central London. She offers Authentic Image Transformation from the inside out for women ready to elevate their personal and professional life.